Iris Jessie Sansum

Iris Jessie Sansum

1929 – 2012

Rest in peace Mum.

My Mums funeral was yesterday. It went as well as these things ever do. I am glad it is over. Today I am home alone with my thoughts and it is a horrid grey day with torrential rain since I got up this morning. I guess that is fitting.

I went to visit Mum in the chapel of rest an hour before the funeral. It was quite a bizarre experience. She actually looked like my old Mum. Not the woman we have been visiting for the last 6 years. And yet, it wasn't her. She isn't there any more. It is just a dead body, dead cells, nothing more. Mum has gone. None the less, I am glad that I went and that I could give her one last kiss and also that I was able to put something in her hand bag for the journey. It will remain my secret just what I gave her, but I know she will have enjoyed it.

There was a church service at the local St Mary's Church. It was rather touching to see her coffin being carried in by her 2 son in laws and her 2 eldest grandsons. Mum was very frail and light at the end but they still had their work cut out as it is a long walk up the church path from the road and they also had to carry her out again and then in to the crematorium. I bet Mum was thinking “that'll teach them!”

The service was very nice. I got through it by fixing my eyes on a spot on the ceiling and just blinking and blinking and breathing. I was choked when the grandchildren all stood together and did readings. Verity and my niece Carly read out “A day in the life of Nan”. They all had input in to this piece and it is about their memories of when they would stay at her house. That was followed by Coralie reading “Afterglow” and then Samuel reading “I wish you enough”. I will post these readings for you as they were lovely and I would like to keep a record of them here on my blog.

We moved from the church to the crematorium a few miles away. Dad had decided that we would follow the coffin in and while we were waiting I was joined by little Evan. He sat on my lap for the short service of committal. I was hugging that little boy so tight and gazing up at the ceiling again. The end music as the curtain came around was “We'll meet again”. We linked hands with Dad and swayed side to side, we tried to sing the words but I could no more sing that than I had been able to sing the hymn's.

As the music came to an end little Evan shouted out “Goodbye Great Nanny Iris, I love you Great Nanny Iris”. That child is a blessing. He has lifted all of our spirits over the last 2 weeks. On the day after Mum died he had drawn a picture which he wanted to be given to her. Simon and I called round to collect it and promised we would get it to her. It actually went in her coffin with her.

Half way through that same afternoon a little voice piped up. “Mummy.....?” You will all recognise the tone of that, we know a difficult question is coming when they say MUMMMMMY in that way! The question was, “How will Great Nanny Iris get my picture? Coralie reminded him that we had collect it that morning. “Yes, but....if Great Nanny Iris is already in heaven, how will it get there?” Thinking quickly Coralie told him that it would go in her luggage! This has now become a family joke. As various family have come along with things that they wanted to have put in her coffin, even my Dad has said “something else for her luggage”. My brother in law Pete commented during the week that if we added much more to her luggage we would have to pay excess baggage! I think you can see that humour helps us get through in our family! Mum would have found it very funny.

Once everything was over we went to a nearby pub for the traditional wake. It was nice to catch up with extended family and old friends and to hear their memories of Mum. Coralie had put together a lovely memories book with photo's which was passed around for everyone to add their own memories. It will be a nice keep sake for Dad.

He is doing ok. He was terribly upset both in the church and at the crematorium. He has a hospital appointment this morning which my sister is taking him to. He hopes that they will be removing the thing he had inserted last week to open up his ear drum. I hope that they can confirm the infection is on it's way out. He has had so much pain from this and I think he will feel so much better once it clears up.

He seems determined to try and “find his old self”. His words. I hope that he can. I know it won’t be easy but I am sure that it is what Mum would want. He has been devoted to her for 59 years. He spent the last 6 visiting her daily at the hospital. Rain or shine he was there. Those last couple of days he never left her side, even spending the final night sleeping in a chair by her side with his granddaughter for company. Mum would want him to spend whatever time he has left enjoying himself with his grandchildren and great grandchildren. I hope that he can.

If tears could build a stairway
and thoughts a memory lane
I'd walk right up to heaven
and bring you home again

Rest in peace Mum until we meet again.