Merkans

I have been blogging for well over two years now and during that time I have made lots of new friends.  Many of you live on that weird island across the pond known as “Mericka”. In theory you “Merkans” speak English just the same as me, owing to the Pilgrims having sailed from our shores all those years ago. In reality you actually speak a totally different language which over my blogging time has caused me, and you, some confusion!!

I can just about cope with your funny accents, but it is when you call things by the wrong name that I get all in a “two and eight”.  In English that phrase means, I am in “a bit of a pickle”, or... confused!   Of course you don’t just call things the wrong names you spell your words funny too. I’m not sure why Merkans feel the need to change perfectly good spellings. IE. Colour, which you spell Color.

I know that  you probably inherited  all our worst spellers in the beginning, but that is no excuse for mangling your original language (mangle = wringer, which is the thingy with the wooden rollers to get the water out of  the laundry, just like your Mum (Mom) probably had when you were a child.

I am really interested in language and how words are derived etc. Many of our English words of course have their origins elsewhere.  We are good at “borrowing” from others!  Of course a great many of our English words have more than one meaning, not to mention that English has many words for the same thing.

We are also good at making up new words and the Oxford English dictionary has new ones each year.  It probably takes a while for you Merkans to learn them all.

Some translations

English                                 Merkan

Courgettes                         Zucchini

Trousers                              Pants                     * It took me a long while to realise that your pants go right down to your ankles, where as mine just cover my “bits”!

Handbag                           Purse

Purse                                Wallet

Post code                          Zip code

Biscuit                              Cookie

Scone                               Biscuit

Chips                                Fries

Boot                                Trunk

Bonnet                             Hood

Nappies                           Diapers

Polenta                            Hominy grits

Sponge cake                   Twinkie

Pavement                         Sidewalk

Wheat                              Corn

Sweet corn                      Maize

Flat                                Condo

Car park                         Parking lot

Pharmacy                        Drugstore

Film                               Movie

Petrol                            Gas

Lift                                Elevator

Autumn                          Fall       * Fall is something you do after too much red wine!

Tap                               Faucet

Sweets                          Candy

Rubbish bin                   Trash can

Football                         Soccer

Roundabout                   Traffic circle

Pushchair/buggy            Stroller

Notes (paper money)      Bills

Toilet                            Bathroom

Full stop.                       Period

Aubergine                     Egg plant

Fringe                           Bangs

Caretaker                      Janitor

Cheque                          Check

Dummy                           Comforter

Nursery                        Day care

Diary                            Journal

Bum bag                        Fanny pack **

Bumper                         Fender

Flapjack                       Pancake

Pancake                       Crepe

Grill                             Broil

Holiday                        Vacation

Jam                              Jelly

Jelly                             Jello

Jumper                        Sweater

Athlete                         Jock

Mobile phone               Cell phone

Plimsoll                       Sneaker

Mummy                       Mommy

Shopping centre          Mall

Shoe                           Pump

Are you getting bored yet?  Of course most of these words are known to all of us; it is just their usage that causes confusion. There are many, many more that I could have chosen, some of our slang words in particular cause much confusion not to mention hilarity.  EG. If I were to talk about my “lady bits”, a commonly used term here in the UK is one that you Merkans use to describe your behinds, bottoms, bums, (butts to you Merkans)  **see entry for bum bag and you may understand.  To us English a butt is the end of a burnt out cigarette!  See how easy it is to become confused?  If only you Merkans could learn to speak the Queen’s English “Like wot I does”!

Recently during a conversation with a friend (Merkan friend) she told me that her Christmas tree stands in the “kitty corner” from her piano.  You what??  Does that cat have its own special corner?  I had to ask her exactly what she meant.........it seems kitty corner means diagonally opposite! 

There is one word of course that you Merkans have given to us, for which I am sure all Mums everywhere are eternally grateful.  What is it?  McDonalds of course!   Now I hope I haven’t upset any of my Merkan friends, this is meant to be “Tongue in cheek” (light hearted).  I love you all and I really enjoy the confusion that sometimes occurs during our conversations.  I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving Day on Thursday.

An English friend was pondering how comes we don’t have Thanksgiving here in the UK?  Well because Thanksgiving is to celebrate the arrival of the Pilgrim Fathers on Merkan soil.  It is not the same as our harvest festivals.