Entry for 04 June 2008

I am feeling quite tired and grotty today, so just a quick posting. I just wanted to say thank you so much to everyone who has sent me messages over the last few days. It has helped enormously to know that so many of you are thinking of me and including me in your prayers.

I have felt very, very frightened the last few days. I received a letter from the hospital this morning and I have to phone them to arrange a date to go in. I am very scared about having the cystoscopy done. I am someone who has to be knocked out at the dentist!! Even the thought of this cystoscopy is making me feel sick and shaky. It's pathetic, I know, when I think of what some people go through. My husband has suggested that we ask if I can have the same injection that I have at the dentist.

This is some kind of Valium, related to the drug called "Rohypnol", which is the one that is referred to by the press as the "date rape drug". It is given intravenously and although you are conscious you don't know a thing. As far as I am concerned it's like a general anaesthetic. I am talking to my dentist one minute and the next I wake up at home in bed with no memory of anything! You can see how lethal this drug is in the wrong hands. Anyway, if I could have that, I wouldn't be as scared because I wouldn't know what was going on. I am just so scared about it all.

I have also started to look at various web sites and have found several that give good advice.
I am aware that my blood pressure needs to be controlled but until I have the tests done at the hospital they won't prescribe me blood pressure medication. Apparently some medications can worsen the kidney damage so they have to know what they are dealing with before they decide on the medication. I am going to buy myself a blood pressure machine though, so that I can see what it is doing for myself.

Receiving the letter today, I am sure has made my blood pressure soar!! I didn't feel well this morning and I am very tired, I feel worse now but am trying not to think of it too much. Norma, I will contact you for more information if that is OK? I am going to have a bit of a rest now so that I can hopefully get a bit of ironing done later.

Simon should be in about 5pm as he has to take Loulou to the vet to see how her tail is doing. It does look much better but it has not healed. I think Simon will do dinner this evening too. He was out on exam moderation visits this morning and called in at lunch time to see if I was OK. Sweet! He had to be back in school this afternoon. Right going to have that rest now and read my book.